So much for a daily entry in this journal! I'm not going to get discouraged about it though. Just going to give it another try.
Since the death of my family, I haven't had a lot of faith in myself. Self blame led to self doubt. Pip helped me let go of that guilt, and now, thanks to words of encouragement from my mate and also from Annjia and Westly, I have come to realize that I have more inner strength than I gave myself credit for and my self-confidence is returning.
This past weekend, I successfully completed the tests to discover my animal spirit guardian. Pip guided me through the ceremony necessary to reach the spirits of the elements, but ultimately it was I alone who had to enter their realm and bargain with them for their favor. In the end, I was chosen by Wolf. This guardian will journey with me on my next trip to the spirit world to discover my beloved's true name. From what I've been told, animal spirits pick those who best exemplify their characteristics, so being chosen by Wolf is truly an honor to me.
We've decided to put off our lifemating ceremony for a few weeks. I went to Pip and told her that I thought we had too much going on right now to truly put the attention into it that we deserved to in the quickly dwindling amount of time we had to prepare. This day needs to be about us and as free from outside concerns as possible. After reassurance from me that this was only a short respite and not an indefinite delay or cancellation, she agreed. I think when it's all said and done, we'll be glad we gave ourselves this extra time.
Pipiltin has started having recurring nightmares. Nightmares about her bitch sow of a lifemate, Chopsie. In them, the harpy skank berates my mate for the death of their child. My love wakes up crying and holding me tightly, so I hold her and comfort her until she falls back to sleep. I've decided to try to get some rest during the day when we're apart so that I'm better able to watch over her and be there for her at night. I'm wondering if these dreams have started because of nervousness over our lifemating
It seems my newly discovered inner strength came along just in time.
